I need you so much right now.. It seems like all I’m able to do lately is just think about you. No matter what I’m doing or talking about, my mind makes it’s way back to you… I realize this whole thing sounds selfish, but I need your help… I need you to get me through this pit I seem to be stuck in… If there’s any way out…..
That fantastic moment when you realize how much weight you’ve lost.<3
Why do children get the shittiest things thrown on them? Why can’t parents try to protect their kids to those terrible, traumatizing things? It’s like they just don’t care. Like they think, “Well, better my child than me, right?”
No. Fuck that. Fuck everything about that. Fuck people who subject their kids to these conditions, then blame their kid for being fucked up. It’s not like they can help it, and it’s sure as hell not like they tried to raise their kid well. They didn’t stop their kid from being abused. Or from being around all those scary drugs. They didn’t make sure their kids stomach was full every night. They didn’t stop those men from raping their daughters and/or sons. So FUCK them for thinking they didn’t do anything wrong.
It’s parents like that who end up losing their child. It’s parents like that who cause future abusers and users. Those parents are what keeps addiction alive. They seem to not realize that, a majority of the time, they’re children will turn to drugs to ease the painful memories from the past their parents put them through. That their children will turn to violence for relief. That their children will sell their souls and bodies just to make the thoughts disappear for a little while.
Sure, not all children with parents like that turn out this way, and those are the children that everyone notices. They don’t notice the boy with scars on his wrists from his suicide attempts, and they don’t notice the girl with needle tracks on her forearm.
The first time I ever hurt myself I was thirteen, so almost four years ago. It was right after my best friend had committed suicide and I didn’t know how to handle it. I had been laying in my room and I found a piece of a broken razor. At first I figured I should just throw it away so I didn’t like step on it later or something, but then this voice inside of my head told me to just push it against my wrists. It told me that if I did that, it would make the pain of losing Brandon go away. Somehow it did. I was more focused on the physical pain than on the pain of losing him, so when I missed him I did it. Then it started being whenever anything hurt me. Finally I got to the point where there were so many scars on my wrist that I could hardly cut through them, so I moved to my hips, ribs, and thighs. One time my cousin, who was about five at the time, saw my wrists with some cuts still on it and she asked what had happened, but there was no way I was going to tell her that I did it to myself, so my response to her was, “Nothing, baby. I just got hurt.” She said, “Oh” and kissed my wrists, and that’s when I realized that I needed to stop. I didn’t want my cousin to have to know what that felt like or what had happened. Then I thought about my younger brother who slept in the next room. What if he saw them and thought that since I did it, he could too? I tried to stop for them. I tried so hard. I wasn’t strong enough to fight through it.. I was able to stop for a while, but then my dad started using drugs again and all the bad memories from my childhood came back. I relapsed.. About a year and a half ago I met this guy, and he means the world to me. For a while at the beginning of our relationship he begged me to stop cutting. He would tell me that the scars aren’t attractive and freaked him out. It made me feel so bad about myself that I couldn’t stop. It wasn’t until he told me about seeing the word “help” cut into my thigh and that when he saw that he went home and cried because he couldn’t help me that I realized that I was hurting other people with it too. He told me that I was beautiful and my scars just show how much I’ve been through and what a strong woman I am because of it. It was about when he told me that, that I decided to get rid of my razors. I threw all of them away. Not just because he said that, but because he told me about how if we ever decide to have kids or whatnot that they’ll be able to see what I’ve been through. I would never want my own child to see what a weak person I am…
lycanis55 asked: hello i was wundering if you could show your self fully decked out in sweatpants and hoodie you look really cute in that outfit?
Sorry, love. I don’t know where a hoodie is.
Sometimes I feel like I can’t keep going on.
Nothing even has to set me off, it’s like all of the sudden nothing makes me feel tempted to keep fighting this terrible battle we call life. Nothing makes me want to keep living.
It’s so abrupt that I don’t even know what to do when it happens. All I can do is reach for my blade and hope for the best.
I know people say bands like Pierce the Veil and Of Mice & Men, and so on, aren’t real bands, but those “fake” bands have saved my life. They’ve showed me that things can get better, and just because right now isn’t good doesn’t mean it’s going to stay like that. They’ve taught me that I’m not the only one who feels like this.
So fuck anyone who says those bands and those people are fake. Those bands and those people are saviors.